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I often think about emotions because they have always bewildered me. All of the world runs on emotions; entertainment, religion, passion, family, these things are all for the purpose of experiencing and expressing emotions.
Through out my life, I have always felt that I lacked emotional connections to anything. You could take for example, when my parents made my favorite meal, I actively think to myself “this is something I should be happy about” and nothing is felt. I often feel as almost if the meal wasn’t made, nothing would have been any different.
I would say that the “emotion” that I have felt the majority of my life is neutrality. Went I was younger, it could be said that I often felt angry or frustrated but I now realize that it was environmental and not emotional. I was allergic to the food I was eating and I was in pain both physically and mentally. On top of that, my metabolism has always been very high meaning my body naturally runs hot. I hate the heat; living in the hottest part of the world didn’t help.
This biggest problem with this is the fact that I want to be able to experience emotions, I just don’t know how or why. Logically, emotions don’t really make sense in the grand schemed of life. I have the disadvantage of thinking about everything in a streamlined, flow chart like manner and emotion just doesn’t fit in there.
Maybe one day, it will all make sense.
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